Episode 147

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Published on:

28th Feb 2022

Episode #147 - Kepa's Skyward Penalty Wins Liverpool Carabao Cup! FA Cup Fifth Round Preview

In Episode #147 of the Squeaky Bum Time Podcast, Mike and Laurent review the amazing Carabao Cup Final between Chelsea and Liverpool, including the controversial substitution of Kepa Arrizabalaga for Edouard Mendy in goal for the Blues. Also:

  • Leeds and Marcelo Bielsa part ways after a Premier League record-setting month for goals allowed after a 4-0 loss to Tottenham
  • American Jesse Marsch gets the Leeds job, can he keep them from relegation?
  • Is Cristiano Ronaldo washed up?
  • Sean Dyche's Burnley are... fun? What?!

Follow us on Twitter (@SqueakyBum_Pod), Instagram (@SqueakyBumTimePod) and Facebook (Squeaky Bum Time Podcast) to stay up to date!

Part of the Chop Sports Media Network!

Transcript

00:00

hello bum time podcast with mike laurent

00:03

it is tuesday march 1st or is it

00:05

february 29th i never know in this

00:07

episode caramel cup is not crap who knew

00:10

pielsa out marsh in americans in the

00:12

premier league not good does anyone know

00:15

what the [ __ ] a handball is but first

00:17

mike abramovic said he has no ties to

00:19

putin but somehow

00:21

he's in belarus negotiating on behalf of

00:25

ukraine

00:26

that's weird what say you i don't i i uh

00:31

uh it's been an

00:33

interesting week for the embattled

00:35

chelsea owner right uh we're actually

00:36

gonna have a guest on thursday's show

00:38

ollie carpenter um

00:41

and a resident expert in both chelsea

00:44

and uh the intersection of sport and and

00:48

politics and fascism and fashion he runs

00:51

goal lytics uh so check them out on

00:54

twitter uh but you'll hear a whole lot

00:56

more from him on thursday or friday i

00:59

should say um

01:01

about that whole situation it's interest

01:03

it's interesting to find somebody like

01:05

this because we're just as famously once

01:08

called two idiots with a microphone um

01:11

and it's going to be interesting to see

01:12

him

01:13

chat with us and as i was sort of

01:16

talking to him in our like direct

01:17

message conversation yeah i was like

01:19

explain this to me like i'm five right

01:21

so that's what we're gonna get yeah

01:23

that's what we're gonna give to all of

01:24

our fans and all the listeners so we're

01:26

excited for that yeah i mean we're kind

01:28

of we kind of we're a little we're a

01:29

little low-brow we're a little high brow

01:31

we're a little european history we're a

01:33

little a little bit country we're a

01:34

little bit rocky but i really love the

01:37

intersection of war

01:39

and and abramovic and chelsea and all

01:42

this stuff it's amazing this if i could

01:44

be on the show it would be all world war

01:46

ii references but first i'm gonna do the

01:48

scores here i go

01:51

uh leeds nil four to spurs harry kane's

01:55

pass was incredible we say goodbye to mr

01:57

marcelo bielsa the leeds fans love him

01:59

was he good i don't know we have

02:02

newcastle beating brentford at home

02:05

two-nil there was a red card in the

02:07

first 10 minutes var got him but the

02:09

good news the positive news of that was

02:12

the return of christian erickson yay

02:14

brighton my beloved brighton are scared

02:16

of going to their level aston villa get

02:18

back on the schneid get off the sheli

02:20

they re-schneid they're schneiding they

02:22

win two-nil they're doing well ollie

02:23

watkins looking good and oh my god

02:26

watford mill

02:27

nil to manchester united this was a

02:30

battering holy [ __ ] cristiano ronaldo

02:33

might be finished but it's a nil nil

02:34

battering but watford great and powerful

02:37

watford took four points off man united

02:40

and got their coach fired what

02:43

1-1 burnley the burnley renaissance

02:45

continues they say unbeaten in their

02:47

last seven and manchester city struggle

02:51

in a one-nil victory at goodison park

02:54

there was some controversy in this game

02:56

and the sunday game because we had the

02:58

venerable uh

03:00

carabao cup on

03:02

sunday was west ham one wolves nil this

03:05

was another statement game wolves

03:07

sliding they're not as good west ham

03:09

staying in the fight for the top four

03:12

and that takes us

03:14

to the carabao cup

03:18

let's say you mic on carabao cup i

03:20

could not be more thrilled with the

03:22

outcome um

03:24

i frankly i am not a fan of either team

03:27

and that's putting it very

03:28

diplomatically i [ __ ] hate both teams

03:30

i would obviously if i had to choose

03:32

between the two guns in my head i hate

03:34

chelsea far more um local

03:37

local local rifles yeah and but i just i

03:39

was like whatever man

03:42

i ended up watching i didn't watch the

03:43

first half i watched the second half and

03:44

then extra time um and then of course

03:47

the penalties and

03:49

edward mendy for me was man of the match

03:52

like not close he was unbelievable

03:54

kelleher was good too by the way and the

03:56

only other person who had a claim to it

03:59

is is the fourth official

04:01

because he has his flag up so many times

04:03

right so

04:05

i mean weirdly it could have been it

04:07

kind of should have been mason mount and

04:10

pulisic pulisic was creating chances

04:12

early in the 10 roll uh i thought

04:14

havertz was i thought the attack from

04:16

chelsea was really very good yeah no i

04:19

mean they've got a lot of good play

04:21

really good attacking players so that's

04:23

not that shouldn't be surprising right

04:25

but um

04:26

i want to get right to the the

04:29

you know

04:30

the storyline

04:32

can i i first guessed the [ __ ] out of

04:34

that again before i have one thing i

04:36

have one thing and i i don't want to go

04:38

down this path but i think we really

04:39

should there were

04:41

across football across the league a lot

04:45

of really really cool moments around the

04:48

uh ukrainian players playing around the

04:50

league you have yarmolenko and zinchenko

04:52

and manyenko i don't think is that's his

04:54

name on everton

04:56

teams coming out with ukrainian uh flags

04:59

on no war i really enjoyed the messaging

05:02

all around uh football and football has

05:04

really stepped up and condemned this

05:06

whole thing pretty amazing uh of course

05:09

fifa dragged its feet and took an extra

05:13

three days to bar russia from the world

05:15

cup i'm not giving anybody any credit

05:17

especially fifa okay no

05:20

fifa has human rights violations still

05:22

happening in qatar i believe as they

05:24

build stadiums upon dead bodies uh so

05:27

that they can host this world cup in

05:28

[ __ ] november the ioc

05:30

waited three days after the olympics to

05:34

uh to denounce russia while they let

05:36

them play under the roc title where they

05:38

get to let them stand on the podium by

05:40

themselves or some [ __ ] um i don't know

05:43

they don't get crazy but but anyway i do

05:45

genuine stuff was cool like

05:48

zinchenko crying you saw in portugal

05:50

there was cool stuff anyway back to the

05:52

carabao cup that is our ukrainian moment

05:54

of the day we're thinking about it it's

05:56

not not important but thursday we'll

05:58

cover it go sorry yeah all right um i'm

06:02

not gonna go down that rabbit hole

06:03

because i could and i could take a

06:05

divergent into the right but anyway

06:07

let's go back to the kappa sub um oh

06:10

yeah eduard mendy is the man of the

06:12

match now if this is a 2-2 game

06:15

and it's helter skelter back and forth

06:17

and there's you know maybe some some

06:19

shakiness in the back from mandy

06:22

fine he's your penalties guy i get it

06:25

it's not a big deal

06:27

but he was a brick wall as he has been

06:30

for chelsea most of the seasons

06:31

especially the first 10 games he was

06:33

carrying them yes and well i'd even say

06:36

throughout because he you know

06:38

and he just won a penalty shootout at

06:40

afcon lest we forget that three weeks

06:43

ago and the argument for

06:47

is and there's plenty against it i'm

06:49

going to get to that in a second but the

06:51

the pawn the the argument for is he is

06:55

he was basically humbled and he had to

06:58

basically become

07:00

he had to carve out his niche and in in

07:03

not playing as much as mendy he became

07:06

far more

07:07

uh focused on penalties he was always a

07:09

good penalty keeper before this so they

07:11

say and he really honed in on this is

07:14

going to be my thing and tukel and and

07:17

and mandy and kappa have had

07:19

conversations prior to the game like and

07:21

i cuz i heard this was his reasoning and

07:23

it's bad

07:24

but he was like

07:26

we play this was sort of the plan if it

07:28

goes to penalties and you don't know

07:30

because you might have to use all five

07:31

subs but if you still have one this is

07:34

going to be the plan

07:36

okay

07:38

keppa is five inches shorter than eduard

07:41

mendy so as imposing as he may or may

07:44

not be

07:45

in the goal frame

07:47

he's that much less imposing than eduard

07:50

mendy is yeah

07:52

so

07:53

fine you bring him in i first guessed

07:56

the [ __ ] out of it i was like this is

07:58

the dumbest thing i've ever seen

08:00

um

08:02

yeah go ahead

08:03

and then

08:04

with the second and this is

08:06

until the very end this is my favorite

08:08

part of the match

08:10

a lot of times you can you know you're

08:13

dancing around on the line you're trying

08:15

to put the shooter off a little bit he

08:17

actively stood three steps to his right

08:20

with when virgil van dyke went up to

08:22

take this was amazing and he went he

08:25

went hey

08:26

put it over my left shoulder on my right

08:28

shoulder i dare you and van dyke looked

08:31

at him

08:32

through him with disdain fired an

08:36

absolute

08:37

rocket ship that was the best part of

08:39

the game

08:40

that's his right

08:41

temple it was amazing into the net and

08:44

then

08:45

turned around and stared him down for 40

08:48

yards all the way back virgil van dyke

08:51

went do you not only do you know who i

08:53

am who the [ __ ] are you

08:57

it was mwah

08:58

i

08:59

again i do not care for liverpool i do

09:02

not care for van dyke yeah that was the

09:04

best part take that man's hand so i

09:06

actually awesome

09:09

all right uh aveline i'm doing my

09:11

podcast uh we may have interruptions uh

09:13

i do have i have stats you ready go for

09:15

it

09:16

um

09:20

oh okay uh penalty kicks uh attempted

09:23

against mendy 28

09:26

only three saves penalty kicks against

09:30

keppa i think it's 12 and seven

09:33

so we're talking about sample sizes that

09:35

are minuscule i'm not i could buy i

09:39

could buy the the mendy

09:41

uh right

09:42

he's big and whatever now i i don't

09:46

i i thought more of this game i thought

09:48

the penalties were the sort of icing on

09:50

the cake i really loved all the missed

09:53

chances i mean

09:56

i mean

09:57

each team had guys just go clean through

09:59

i mean salah went clean through on a

10:01

mistake by mindy he made a bad clearance

10:04

um uh mason mount had two that he was

10:06

cleaned through i thought i thought

10:08

havert's pulisic

10:10

uh mount was a much better front three

10:13

than

10:14

more fluid than what they've seen with

10:16

lukaku all season i'm not playing lukaku

10:19

anymore i want to see what those three

10:20

have i think the big thing for chelsea

10:22

is they don't they're not consistent

10:24

like just play the three guys

10:26

play your three smurfs

10:28

give them

10:29

five games and then change them let

10:31

lukaku stew and just be like you're done

10:34

and then uh of course the classic was

10:36

werner in on goal passing it to passing

10:38

it away when he didn't have the shot

10:39

because god but he does make his penalty

10:41

so good for werner but i thought it was

10:43

a really good game everybody made their

10:45

penalty amane save everything everybody

10:48

made their penalty the other good one

10:50

that i noticed and of course i was

10:51

paying attention to it the whole time

10:53

anything good that chelsea did came down

10:56

trent alexander arnold side i don't care

10:57

what you say liverpool fans the

10:59

[ __ ]

11:00

maybe it's the whole defense is so good

11:02

that he's the weak spot and he's not bad

11:05

but the fact is he gets spun around like

11:07

atop every other attack down his side

11:10

and they continue to defend him because

11:12

his offense is so good i know it's good

11:14

the baltimore was incredible he's always

11:16

great with those passes i'm telling you

11:18

some [ __ ] he's gonna lose you a

11:19

game because he's standing straight up

11:21

and gets spun around because he does all

11:23

the time oh and there was a penalty

11:25

somebody almost got their balls ripped

11:26

off by a spike to the balls uh in the

11:29

first half that was konate not konate

11:31

who's the other keita and um and

11:34

chalabag going for a clear 50 50 on

11:37

review

11:39

it was very red

11:42

but uh i'm glad they didn't because it

11:44

would have been a shame they'd be taken

11:45

off had he been taken had he been sent

11:47

off there would have been no complaint i

11:48

mean the guy had stitches in his leg

11:49

after the game yeah and they was really

11:52

close to his dick i mean there was some

11:54

there's i mean there was manhood flashed

11:56

before him he must have been like oh my

11:58

god i nearly lost a sack on this [ __ ]

12:01

kick from this tiny african friend of

12:03

mine but i thought shalabah was really

12:04

good he [ __ ] put money in his pocket

12:07

like i was talking to my co-worker and i

12:09

was like well imagine if that had been

12:11

christensen out there he would have

12:12

gotten his [ __ ] lunch eaten because

12:14

you know christensen's not gonna get

12:16

that done anyway super fun game

12:19

it had to be liverpool it had to be the

12:21

[ __ ]

12:22

scouses and all that's great about

12:24

football blah blah blah you know it

12:26

drives us both nuts you know the idea oh

12:28

they're all singing you never walk alone

12:30

in solidarity i'm like the chelsea fans

12:32

were not singing you never walk alone

12:33

[ __ ] off yeah right um

12:37

let's and i

12:39

in that theme look

12:41

hey all the talk is about kappa and how

12:44

he you know

12:45

came in was worthless missed his it

12:48

wasn't

12:49

penalties it was incredible

12:51

kelliher

12:53

was

12:54

for what he was

12:55

no no no not as bad i mean over the

12:57

course of the game he i thought he was

12:58

pretty great yeah he was good and then i

13:01

mean of course he stood up and made his

13:02

penalty but to force kepler to have to

13:04

miss his but ah have you i don't know if

13:07

i've ever seen

13:08

that many consecutive penalties it was

13:11

incredible 21 consecutive penalties i

13:13

don't know what happened i think you go

13:14

around again

13:15

yeah yeah that's right it just keeps

13:17

going so anyway i don't i was i what i

13:19

was curious and i'm glad i'm glad that

13:22

i missed it

13:24

i that was the most perfect ending for

13:26

me actually but yeah what i don't know

13:29

and i'm curious and i hope we almost

13:30

found out was if you then have the same

13:33

order or if you can mix it up again i

13:35

would imagine it's gotta be tough they

13:37

gotta lock it through you just have to

13:38

go again

13:40

that's why would you get to reshuffle

13:41

like

13:43

why not that's too much time what are

13:45

you gonna have enough you know you're

13:46

gonna have half time and redo the whole

13:47

thing no because as i've said many times

13:49

before i get another subject i change

13:51

the keeper again no no what i'm saying

13:52

is instead of having so let's see

13:54

liverpool had milner fabinho van dyke

13:57

trent uh and so on and so forth in that

13:59

order

14:00

they would want salah to go first they

14:02

would want jota to go next they would

14:04

want oh yeah yeah i understand

14:06

so and again

14:08

after not getting a shot in the afcon

14:12

final

14:13

he i mean there was a chance he didn't

14:15

get a get to go i don't and i'll never

14:18

agree with putting your best player last

14:21

because there's there's the chance and

14:23

risk that you're not going to uh to get

14:26

him to shoot and

14:27

even more when i was watching this

14:29

spelling shootout i was doubling down on

14:31

that theory to my wife who didn't give a

14:33

[ __ ]

14:34

um

14:35

but actually she thought it was very

14:37

compelling she was like holy [ __ ] this

14:38

is awesome um that's why i married her

14:41

uh it was it was it was i couldn't

14:43

imagine being a fan of those two teams

14:45

and my heart would have been in my mouth

14:46

i wouldn't have watched it now to just

14:47

run away

14:50

the more

14:52

value is it put like

14:54

it's it's a it's a

14:56

a staring contest that's all penalties

14:58

is right so if you can make your enemy

15:01

flinch and then potentially blink right

15:04

if you have your best players go up

15:06

there and your best players therefore

15:08

have the most probability of scoring

15:11

and by the way van dyke trent and salah

15:15

you could have had two goalies in the in

15:17

the net and they weren't going to stop

15:18

those you know what you know i thought i

15:20

thought the only ones that were poor i

15:22

mean was konate who almost got it saved

15:24

but i just kept i kept thinking as they

15:27

all went up i was like wow all these

15:29

guys are good like there's no there's

15:32

nobody that you felt like was gonna was

15:34

a bum

15:35

i mean i i thought um i thought kanate

15:37

would miss i thought harvey jolly it

15:39

would miss

15:41

shalabha i thought would miss dude

15:42

shallabot looked shaoliba and konate

15:45

were like uh oh right well challa buzz

15:48

nearly had his dick chopped off so his

15:50

leg was definitely hurting like he was

15:52

not okay uh the fact that he was still

15:54

out there was pretty good i thought i

15:55

thought lukaku would sky it so that was

15:57

oh my god i think if lukaku

15:59

i was like it was like when kept came in

16:02

i'd never in a million years was like

16:03

yeah kepp is going to get a shot i was

16:05

like i don't think who [ __ ] this up

16:06

yeah the other thing that i still look

16:08

great yeah it was all it was it was

16:10

really really a fun game uh i you know i

16:15

that's what good football is about and

16:16

unfortunately it has to be two teams

16:18

that we hate and two teams that

16:20

narrative dictates that was great i

16:23

think the world was rooting against

16:24

chelsea especially the abramovich stuff

16:26

that you're going to talk about on

16:27

thursday and then of course uh you know

16:30

the game prior was the the other

16:32

controversy the weekend was cities game

16:34

versus everton and we had a handball

16:37

basically at the end of the game it was

16:39

really a nondescript game i will give a

16:41

lot of credit to everton they were very

16:43

good they played with the crowd they

16:46

fought

16:47

city really hard city were disjointed

16:50

because

16:51

again it's a weakling sport and john

16:53

stones is paying left back

16:56

so everything was off the runs that that

16:59

walker would do to create space were

17:00

never there everything just didn't work

17:03

right and um and everton were in

17:06

in city's face and had the better

17:07

chances early in the game and could have

17:09

lost this game there's no doubt about it

17:11

but uh city get a goal uh i actually was

17:14

a i was literally in the process of

17:15

tweeting in like the 88th minute or late

17:18

in the game wow this is michael keane's

17:20

best game lo and behold he [ __ ] it up

17:22

because he's terrible and if if

17:24

i'm sure if i was on everton boards or

17:26

everton uh four if you're an everton fan

17:29

let us know how much do you hate michael

17:30

keane every time i watch him he [ __ ]

17:32

something up he's [ __ ] terrible so

17:34

when you have a bad center back it's

17:36

awful it's like he's a [ __ ] harry

17:38

maguire and harry maguire's [ __ ]

17:41

it's weird how parallel it said a lot

17:45

like everton and spurs supporters have

17:47

like a kinship

17:48

and like because they have the the red

17:50

enemy they have the

17:52

spurs enos

17:54

historically city and everton also have

17:56

have a kinship there's when they were

17:58

both kind of the same level of [ __ ] yeah

17:59

although everton are a much bigger club

18:01

to be fair they've never been relegated

18:03

and they are in the relegation zone like

18:06

they're in the fight they are getting

18:08

and we're gonna cover that in a minute

18:09

but the controversy is

18:11

randomly

18:12

late in the game ball

18:15

uh ball gets kicked downfield uh uh and

18:18

and richarlson who has just never

18:20

stopped running never stopped going down

18:21

got the [ __ ] beat out of him by city he

18:24

he gets on the ball there's a rebound

18:26

and inexplicably

18:28

rodri just

18:30

plays the ball with his arm

18:32

just like what the [ __ ] are you doing

18:34

uh it's not great it is

18:37

in a gray zone i would say it's

18:40

it's about an inch down from a t-shirt

18:43

sleeve isn't that about right

18:45

if

18:46

it's a handball it's a handball

18:49

it's a handball oh of course it's a

18:51

handball yeah but

18:52

the

18:54

call on the field they go to var

18:57

on the field the referees

18:59

after they go to var says oh no it was

19:01

offside you should have never checked it

19:03

but

19:05

the ms nbc in the u.s

19:08

they drew the lines but they were not

19:09

the official lines they drew their own

19:12

line they were like oh it was offside

19:13

but then the premier league was like no

19:17

it wasn't offside that's not handball

19:19

like they had the out and they're like

19:21

no it's [ __ ] it's we couldn't tell

19:24

we couldn't tell because it was up high

19:26

i'm like this is about as hand ball as

19:28

handball gets and the re and you showed

19:30

me that picture from the champions

19:31

league final they had changed the rules

19:32

since then i know that yours was still a

19:34

handball that was the armpit shot into

19:37

uh i'm sure it was dead it wasn't that

19:39

just i know it's just oh no it's the

19:40

soccer oh yeah of course

19:42

seven seconds into the game yeah

19:44

fantastic thanks that was great way to

19:46

[ __ ] up the game um yeah

19:49

well at least he wasn't sent off uh but

19:51

anyway city dodge a bullet

19:54

lampard is that gives a classic end of

19:56

the game interviews like my

19:57

three-year-old daughter could see that

19:58

was a handball i don't know what's going

19:59

on

20:01

and the ceo of the team is is demanding

20:04

an apology to everton football club who

20:07

at this point you wouldn't think so they

20:09

[ __ ] need that point yeah no it's a

20:11

big point for them

20:13

and they played well and i think that

20:15

the bigger takeaway is while that might

20:17

be deflating they can feel good they

20:19

played really well and if they play like

20:21

that they're not going down i don't

20:22

think they're going down either ah

20:25

somebody is is the problem

20:27

okay

20:28

and we say you know it

20:31

it's foolish of me to try and handicap

20:33

this race at this point because it does

20:34

oh who knows and again it's you're

20:36

always

20:37

you're two wins away from not going down

20:39

yeah well and and newcastle now four out

20:42

of five wow i mean they're

20:45

they're they're now

20:47

safe as by virtue of the fact that there

20:49

are three teams between them and the

20:52

drop zone right so they're not right for

20:55

their guns they're they've they've

20:56

they're gone they've seen bedford leads

20:58

i'm scared for you guys i really am

21:01

because not only can burnley catch

21:03

everton burnley can catch both of them

21:06

quite easily

21:07

with one win they have three games in

21:09

hand on brentford and they have three

21:12

points to chase

21:13

and they have the dual difference and

21:16

they have lester on tuesday tomorrow

21:20

and they're a great team at heading

21:22

balls and they're going against

21:24

what is potentially the weakest defense

21:27

you could go against they're gonna scor

21:29

you you wanna let's look at the bet go

21:31

bet on burnley scoring a headed goal i

21:35

book it

21:36

book it

21:38

yeah

21:38

that is about as money as a goal vague

21:40

horse to score on a header just bet it

21:43

or me or tarkovsky any of those dudes

21:46

they're scoring a headed goal against

21:47

against lester it's just happening even

21:49

if they lose just go for the headed goal

21:51

right right right yeah

21:54

yeah so so we have we have leads

21:58

actually setting the record for goals

21:59

against in a month in the premier league

22:01

they really have been getting the doors

22:04

blown off them to the point that they

22:06

didn't want to sack bielsa they gave him

22:08

every chance not to and they just get

22:11

the [ __ ] kicked out of them it's so

22:13

weird do fire him

22:14

it's weird because

22:16

spurs as we've said many times are uh

22:20

maybe the best counter-attacking team in

22:22

the league but that's you know they're

22:24

they're the most comfortable when they

22:26

have an even split of the game but

22:28

you're trying to you know really get

22:30

after them and they can hit you on the

22:31

break let's be very clear about

22:33

something nine minutes into this game

22:36

ryan sessignon

22:38

teamed up with matt doherty one of my

22:41

sons

22:43

the crisscross across the field fan

22:45

[ __ ] it was great it was amazing when

22:48

he scored i was like oh that was

22:49

kulasefsky and i was like ah it's it uh

22:51

it's matt doherty's first goal for

22:54

tottenham

22:55

been here for two years that's what you

22:57

thought you were getting no well yes but

23:00

like at the same time i just i i was

23:02

like weeds get it together man holy [ __ ]

23:06

and then kulasepski hits the second one

23:08

and you're like all right this could get

23:09

ugly yeah it did

23:11

yeah because listen leads never blink

23:13

when they give up a goal that happens

23:16

like whatever we'll get it back

23:18

the problem is that recently and they

23:19

almost pulled it all the way back

23:20

against united recently but like

23:23

i don't know i there's just

23:26

yeah and after the second one you can

23:28

tell look it's like a boxer like they're

23:30

like they're like rocky right they're

23:33

really good at taking punches

23:35

but after a while

23:37

they add up right and so every time the

23:40

opposition lands one every time clubber

23:42

lang catches him with with a hook he

23:45

stands there but he wobbles a little bit

23:47

and you could feel ellen road

23:49

after the second goal from kulaseski who

23:51

loves a um

23:53

um a near post shot i've noticed that

23:56

i'm very interesting a big

23:58

big fan of what he possibly could be

23:59

he's all potential and you know no

24:02

substance yet but he's i mean he's been

24:04

pretty good returns so far but

24:06

leads they're just

24:09

they're they're like bleeding out slowly

24:11

and it's hard to watch but so now jesse

24:13

marsh comes in and i'm i'm very i'm i'm

24:16

hopeful i'm excited but i think i think

24:17

the key thing was you know if you would

24:19

have told me after that 3-2 in west ham

24:22

in mid-january that they were going to

24:23

go down which that 3-2 against west ham

24:26

was one of the games of the season the

24:27

hat-trick by harrison if you would have

24:29

told me that they were gonna basically

24:32

not

24:34

just disappear like they were going to

24:35

give up

24:36

30 goals in the next 10 games i mean

24:39

it's inconceivable and the issue is is

24:42

that they would give up goals but they

24:43

would always score right they'd have the

24:44

4-2 against united but it's four against

24:47

tottenham six against liverpool three

24:49

against everton without scoring if the

24:52

issue is in the defense which is really

24:54

bad the issue is they're not scoring

24:56

like they needed to keep scoring to even

24:59

have a chance and they can't score

25:01

well

25:02

i think yeah when they lost version of

25:05

like:

25:07

exactly really now they're really bad

25:09

yeah right but what proves it more than

25:10

giving up a touchdown to cur present day

25:12

liverpool yeah right yeah yeah

25:14

so so bielsa goes i think the the thing

25:17

is is that there's clearly a plan in

25:20

place where marsh was identified as a

25:23

coach who fits in with what they want to

25:26

do with with bielsa it's not going to be

25:28

such a big transition

25:30

marsh comes from

25:32

red bull comes from ragnik comes from

25:35

the german school the ganging pressing

25:38

the the hazenhoodle it's going to look

25:40

more like southampton

25:42

than

25:43

than what you saw elsa big than leeds

25:46

but what was happening with bielsa is

25:47

the man marking just wasn't working

25:49

because what you saw from the great pass

25:51

from the incredible pass from harry kane

25:53

for the last goal he would just drop

25:54

deep the the center backs would follow

25:57

him and it would happen to every single

25:58

team they'd be like oh no you got to go

26:00

with him and then she was like teams

26:01

would just run through the space like

26:02

there he goes yeah what's happening so

26:06

it would work against shittier teams

26:07

where they could outscore them but that

26:09

one nil against newcastle really

26:12

put the put the end to them and they

26:14

gave him every chance and he was just

26:15

getting dogged but uh bielsa leaves

26:18

leeds as a legend he still

26:20

is completely loved they all love him

26:23

they all went to ellen road to say

26:25

goodbye yeah goes out with his head high

26:27

even though he's never won anything this

26:29

is where football is more interesting

26:31

and i was listening to a podcast today

26:32

it's

26:33

you know if it's just about trophies

26:36

then support one of the five or six

26:38

clubs who win trophies if it's just

26:40

about grinding out one nil results

26:43

then just check the score at the end of

26:44

the day

26:45

but if it's about entertaining

26:48

you and i have talked about it leeds was

26:51

must see tv they were great win or lose

26:53

yeah and so we lose that and that's why

26:56

yeah we're we're sad to see we pour a

26:58

little out for bielsa yeah yeah what did

27:01

i get on my dick i think it did there

27:03

you go

27:04

on your stitches um yeah yeah i just it

27:09

it reminded me a lot of when pochettino

27:11

got fired because you knew it had to

27:13

take you had to be done you didn't want

27:15

it it was like taking an old you know an

27:17

old dog out back sort of thing and

27:20

you're like no i just one more day no

27:21

you can't it's got it's got to be today

27:24

i mean you probably could have kept him

27:26

in it it yes

27:28

in the case of levy he knew it was more

27:30

expensive than wow

27:32

don't even get me started but the point

27:34

is that the

27:35

the

27:37

and it's it's unfair to be honest

27:38

because they were so hurt they just like

27:41

nobody all year no nothing they just

27:43

after guys were out all year yeah yeah

27:45

yeah

27:46

yeah but they've i mean they've still

27:48

got but they had to be a little bit more

27:50

pragmatic right like

27:51

at at some point and i'm never gonna do

27:54

it i know and this goes against exactly

27:56

all of his ethos and everything but like

27:59

a little a little bit right now

28:02

that's the beauty right it's the romance

28:03

criticism yeah it's no no no we're going

28:06

down we're doing it this way and we're

28:08

going down i think leeds fans would have

28:10

gone down with him they were ready they

28:12

have the second worst goal difference in

28:14

the in the league right now yeah that

28:16

is impressive important it's impressive

28:19

but it's also important for where they

28:20

are right now if they were still 12th it

28:22

would be hahaha that's hilarious poor bl

28:24

so that's sad but now

28:26

that might be the reason they go down

28:28

not because they haven't lost all these

28:29

games it has happened

28:32

they do not they

28:34

they are now

28:35

level with uh watford on

28:38

worst expected goal difference which is

28:40

uh even crazier well they're even worse

28:42

so they so this is the difference right

28:44

they are

28:45

they're minus 31 but their expected goal

28:48

difference is only minus 50. yeah they

28:50

had they're actually giving up more

28:52

against spurs okay they had two goal

28:54

posts they had a ball where loris had

28:57

misplayed it at like 30 yards away from

29:00

goal where he is not good he's great in

29:02

the box but outside he's a mess

29:04

he plays it i forget who it was comes in

29:07

down the left

29:08

and like hesitates there's no goalkeeper

29:12

ben davies is uh no it wasn't even ben

29:13

davies one of the one of the centerbacks

29:15

is standing in the net worthless and ben

29:18

davies comes swooping in like the flash

29:20

and blocks the shot

29:22

and you're like what what are you guys

29:24

doing here some of us had both teams to

29:26

score what the [ __ ] are you doing leeds

29:29

uh melie is the oh i mean obviously when

29:31

you're when you have the worst goal

29:33

difference like that melee the

29:34

goalkeepers are now the least lucky or

29:37

least shot-stoppy i don't get the sense

29:39

that melie is that bad but the shot

29:42

expected saves are bad for them they're

29:45

just playing a lot of bad luck they're

29:47

getting no luck in scoring so you know

29:49

it

29:50

you could make the argument that maybe

29:51

they should pull a goalkeeper and change

29:53

him it's the easiest thing to do maybe

29:55

that would have changed her luck or

29:56

they're just giving up really really

29:59

awful [ __ ] the chances they're giving

30:01

up yeah yeah just like it's

30:04

destructive now we have two games here

30:06

that were not great to watch but are

30:09

interesting for the top four race the

30:11

nil nil uh watford it's just laughable

30:14

that united just can't [ __ ] get past

30:17

lee watford who are literally the worst

30:19

defensive team in the league and then

30:20

west ham getting back

30:23

on track

30:24

getting their goal from suck scruffy and

30:28

again

30:29

it can't go past every week

30:32

declan rice is just a [ __ ] beast

30:36

like whoever gets him and i don't know

30:38

and i hope it's not chelsea and i hope

30:41

actually i hope it's chelsea because you

30:42

know what toucal's such an [ __ ] he'll

30:44

[ __ ] it up because he's like oh we have

30:46

to do something different and make you

30:48

not do what you like to do but what i'd

30:50

really like to see what i think the

30:52

world would like to see is two english

30:54

midfielders together him and [ __ ]

30:57

conor gallagher in the midfield for

30:59

chelsea and it would be [ __ ] beefy

31:03

englishness

31:04

with all that flare up front if they do

31:06

that they're [ __ ] geniuses and maybe

31:09

the abramovich thing falls apart and

31:10

they both have to come back oh my god or

31:13

they'll both

31:14

whoever gets kelleher and if someone is

31:16

smart enough to sign kelleher and rice

31:18

i'll just be like i might have to i

31:20

might have to i might gallagher sorry if

31:22

someone assigns gallagher and rice

31:24

together as like chelsea homeboys i

31:27

might i might have to be like i might

31:29

have to use like incognito mode and a

31:31

vpn and just put on chelsea shirts on

31:33

videos and just wear a mustache and just

31:35

like look at them

31:38

uh but you know

31:40

i love those two guys the englishness it

31:42

just it's it's why we like the premier

31:44

league that's his style

31:46

it really does yeah yeah but rice willed

31:48

the team to win so many good moments uh

31:51

him and sue check they had another good

31:53

sort of um another cool moment for for

31:56

yarmolenko who actually left

31:59

and went to the ukraine and be like not

32:01

that he's playing means david moyes is

32:03

like

32:03

kind of helps just why don't you stay

32:05

there for a while

32:10

i mean they're giving out ak-47s you

32:11

might as well just go i have one yeah

32:13

have one have at it boyle uh so he goes

32:16

and that happens and then do let's cover

32:18

let's cover the let's cover the

32:20

relegation fight between newcastle gets

32:22

their win we're worried about brentford

32:24

and deich gets their draw against uh

32:27

crystal palace

32:28

of course they only take one shot versus

32:31

crystal palace the [ __ ] and dice has

32:33

them one point off of everton

32:35

and they've got if they get another draw

32:37

and everything drops out of the game

32:38

everton falls into the relegation zone

32:41

again i don't think like you

32:44

i don't think that they'll be the third

32:45

team

32:46

and by the way watford still has it has

32:49

a shot i i i mean i'm not

32:52

i'm not it's very close i mean it is

32:54

extremely close i mean everybody watford

32:57

i think you know definitely [ __ ]

32:59

i mean sorry uh

33:01

norrish they don't even know

33:04

um

33:05

and again it comes back to i've harped

33:07

on this pretty much every episode for

33:10

two months if not two years uh games in

33:12

hand and watford and norwich don't

33:14

really have any aside from on brentford

33:16

so they don't really have any get out of

33:18

jail free cards whereas burnley still

33:20

has two

33:21

um and that's where you look at it and

33:23

that's why i think everton will probably

33:24

be okay uh they'll fall ass backwards

33:26

into points somewhere

33:28

but if i if you had to pick one it's

33:31

like a [ __ ] marry kill for relegation

33:33

right um

33:34

brentford or leeds who stays and who

33:36

goes right now

33:39

i'd rather have leads than branford no

33:41

who do you think but who do you think oh

33:42

who do i think

33:45

if burnley catches

33:47

oh here's

33:48

actually actually here's what i thought

33:50

i think one of the things that's

33:51

happened with brentford is the injury to

33:54

the goalkeeper and no tony i think

33:56

they're getting back tony they've got

33:58

the goalkeeper he's got to get back into

34:00

form i've got to believe that eriksen

34:03

connecting in that midfield even if it's

34:06

only part time with tony will make a

34:08

difference and tony will find a way

34:11

because what was happening to them was

34:13

their get out of jail was to kick it to

34:15

tony and he'd he'd take the pressure off

34:16

the defense whether he did anything with

34:18

it

34:19

that value of kicking a ball

34:22

up to a guy who will fight for second

34:24

balls uh is invaluable and they didn't

34:28

have that so they couldn't get out and

34:30

so the defense was getting exposed and

34:32

those breathers that those strikers give

34:34

you are massive

34:36

and that's one of the things that

34:37

happened with with newcastle as well

34:39

newcastle all of a sudden their defense

34:41

got better because they knew they could

34:43

just kick it up to chris wood and he'd

34:44

give them 10 seconds he'd give them 15

34:47

seconds to push up get organized even if

34:50

there was a second ball that they lost

34:52

at least they were reset

34:53

and so

34:54

everything connects right like i know i

34:57

talk about it i sound crazy but it is a

34:59

weak link sport and you defend from the

35:01

front even a hold up striker who doesn't

35:03

score goals is actually super [ __ ]

35:06

valuable if he gives you 10 seconds

35:10

so you're picking brentford to stay and

35:11

i'm going to i want them to stay i want

35:14

i mean i want who's in the bottom three

35:16

to go down that all right well hold on

35:18

though and i'm gonna sound like a dumb

35:20

[ __ ] but

35:21

isn't burnley starting to become a

35:23

little likable they beat my team last

35:26

week let me be very clear about course

35:27

of course they're like likable but i

35:28

don't want that do i have like burnley

35:31

do i have burnley stockholm syndrome is

35:32

this what's going on i think no they are

35:34

likeable i think uh uh why gout and corn

35:37

made them

35:38

fun and

35:40

they playing better

35:41

oh they're playing they're playing angry

35:44

they're playing no this is this is what

35:46

i mean this is what this is in dice we

35:48

trust he finds the energy the team is

35:52

like okay we're [ __ ] around for a

35:54

half it's now we're ready we got the

35:56

covet out of the way now it's less like

35:58

ben me and tarkovsky are just like

36:01

this is our team i've been in the

36:03

premier league for nine of the last 10

36:05

seasons if any of you people [ __ ] this

36:07

up i will kill you i'll kill your

36:09

families yeah right families listen you

36:11

[ __ ] dutch guys you don't understand

36:14

this is life or death this is my town

36:16

i've been here my whole life for ben me

36:18

and for ben me he was a manchester city

36:21

academy graduate do you know how close

36:23

[ __ ] burnley is to manchester it's

36:25

literally like

36:26

long island to manchester it's up the

36:28

road

36:29

yeah right there's like 14 teams inside

36:32

the manchester city area and burnley is

36:34

one of them and so ben me does not [ __ ]

36:36

around and tarkovsky is i know he's

36:38

english but his name's tarkovsky that

36:40

means he's polish that means he's tough

36:42

his head is gigantic he petrifies me uh

36:45

i i think burnley stay up as much as i

36:47

don't want them to i really want to see

36:49

corny score another goal and connect

36:50

with veghorst that is just my dream

36:53

they're fun i i'm enjoying them that's

36:56

good well you'll get we can watch them

36:57

on tuesday against leicester that

36:59

actually is going to be good it's going

37:01

to be a good uh yeah

37:03

i uh

37:04

because lester have to

37:06

start like if you know what's funny i

37:08

was gonna say you need to channel 13 14

37:09

liverpool i'm like they have to coach

37:11

just go

37:14

just stop trying to sit on on leads just

37:18

attack never stop attacking win 5'3

37:21

because if you get a two goal lead

37:22

you're gonna give it up because you

37:24

stink

37:26

and uh and and i do say that about um my

37:29

guy uh

37:30

or more what i care about his [ __ ]

37:32

name anymore who's the goalkeeper i keep

37:33

killing on their team they're only going

37:35

on on lesser yeah my brain's melting oh

37:39

schmeichel schmeichel so i'm like

37:41

schneider

37:42

schneiderlin

37:43

that's morgan schneiderlin yeah i mean

37:45

we don't really have much to talk about

37:47

but i just remembered we have games on

37:51

saturday

37:52

well we got we got the fa cup too we

37:54

have the fa cup that's what i was going

37:56

to say what we have for the fa cup

37:58

is

37:59

not much but we do have the fa cup

38:02

itself so tomorrow randomly so burnley

38:05

and lester are playing also

38:08

peterborough i don't know where that is

38:09

play manchester city along with crystal

38:12

palace playing stoke city so some old

38:14

friends and some new friends we also

38:15

have your beloved tottenham hotspur

38:18

playing middlesboro

38:21

they gotta be careful yeah i would be

38:23

worried this is a good team

38:25

yeah

38:26

and let's be clear i mean spurs have

38:28

because

38:30

we have a hot potato race for the for

38:32

for the top four officially now right

38:34

like united don't want it uh west ham

38:36

can't figure it out arsenal have the

38:38

inside track as we were talking about

38:39

offline but um you know spurs are in the

38:42

race still despite their best efforts so

38:45

um they don't have this isn't the only

38:48

thing they have left to play for but it

38:50

is certainly the only chance they have

38:51

at a trophy so i think that they'll go

38:53

full bore i don't think that um

38:55

that that kante will take this lightly

38:58

no he won't he won't he's just yeah i

39:00

just uh

39:02

it's going to be scene we'll see yeah

39:05

are you ready for one of these classic

39:06

because the fa cup is the oldest

39:08

continuous tournament in world football

39:11

started in:

39:14

ready including replays tottenham have

39:17

never lost to middlesboro in the fa cup

39:19

four wins two draws through those two

39:22

draws though those two draws came as the

39:24

away side in february:

39:28

2020. you remember

39:31

yes oh i actually know i remember the

39:33

january:

39:35

yeah

39:36

i love the february:

39:38

1905. yeah they didn't get drawn out of

39:41

the hat at the same time the the sorting

39:42

hat of the fa cup by the way for people

39:45

for our american friends who are

39:47

uninitiated uh the fa cup is just the

39:49

coolest [ __ ] thing it's so cool that

39:51

the nba is trying to do it and they're

39:52

gonna ruin it but they are every team in

39:55

england

39:56

792 teams enter one man leaves

40:00

let's talk about that for a second

40:02

because and i'm not a big basketball fan

40:04

i'm curious to take on this the knicks

40:06

right

40:07

if the knicks are not in the playoff

40:08

picture and they're in the whatever the

40:10

[ __ ] fa cup third round it's it's the

40:12

it's the it's the uh

40:14

stern cup

40:16

for sure for the dead for the dead

40:18

commissioner yes that's actually i would

40:20

argue that's a pretty appropriate name

40:21

for the trophy um

40:24

would because he made the nba what it is

40:26

they imagine

40:27

the david stern cup let's call it that

40:29

sure uh

40:31

two things a

40:33

do they go harder for this than they do

40:35

for a potential playoff spot and b if

40:38

they succeed and they win the stern cup

40:41

how is that received by players and by

40:43

fans

40:44

i think it's something that you should

40:46

do

40:47

you make it you give you give the team

40:50

choices for what they get they can

40:52

either the players can either get money

40:53

extra money which is probably not that

40:55

interesting

40:56

i think they could get extra ping pong

40:58

balls for the draft ah

41:02

i like that or um what else could they

41:05

get money

41:06

ping pong balls you could get no you

41:08

could you could [ __ ] around with the

41:10

playoff structure you could say

41:12

uh basically

41:14

think of it like europa league no it's

41:16

got to be separate it's got to be

41:17

separate like not part of the league i

41:19

don't think he's connected to the league

41:20

at all no no well i mean think about it

41:22

right like if you win the fa cup you

41:24

automatically get a year league spot

41:26

oh i see what you're saying you saying

41:28

that if they you reserve a playoff spot

41:30

for a team that wins the cup

41:33

yeah but

41:34

the problem with with basketball is

41:35

there are no upsets although if it's a

41:37

one game if it's only one game then you

41:40

could get a weird team but they were and

41:42

here's the thing

41:42

if

41:44

think okay oh here's what they can do

41:46

you could because they now have a play

41:48

in you could get into the playing right

41:50

oh they have play-ins and [ __ ] now yeah

41:52

they made a play in from uh uh they have

41:56

ten

41:56

ten plays eight

41:58

nine i'm trying so hard to respect the

42:01

nba i'm really trying guys yeah and i

42:04

can't

42:05

it's just for oh my god anyway it's it's

42:07

fun it does it has the same problem the

42:09

nhl has which is regular seasons not

42:11

mattering because they devalue their own

42:13

product

42:14

uh to an extent to an extent the

42:18

no the nba is different in the sense

42:19

that they're like we don't want to play

42:22

[Laughter]

42:23

yeah that part's bad well but the nba is

42:25

a strong link sport so it's worse right

42:27

there's less team ethos you know if if

42:30

the if if the capitals come out and

42:32

ovechkin wants to go to suck on putin's

42:35

toe you know they can still play without

42:37

ovechkin and still be the king yes and

42:40

who by the way is catching all types of

42:42

[ __ ] because he's not saying anything

42:45

there is no right answer and only a sea

42:48

of wrong answers because he has family

42:51

still in russia well that's what he

42:53

should say he should be like ixnay i'm

42:55

not talking about family a uh

42:58

everything's fine yeah not if you're not

43:00

if you're okay look you're being asked

43:03

to

43:04

join in the chorus

43:06

but you're because people are

43:07

pronouncing you're you're american yeah

43:09

yeah yeah renouncing your home country

43:11

yeah and

43:13

in doing so endangering the lives of

43:15

friends and family you have back home

43:17

because you don't know where you're

43:18

going

43:19

for what for some [ __ ] retweets for

43:21

some yeah for some virtue points no it's

43:23

jesus i think he i think he has said he

43:26

condemns it but not direct of course

43:28

yeah of course by the way our temmie

43:30

panerai one of the also really like

43:32

prominent russians he's on the rangers

43:34

is a joke about how he uses a flip phone

43:36

because he's an enemy of the state back

43:38

home all right because he openly

43:40

criticized putin he uh novell knee he's

43:44

a big supporter noveli and he said as

43:46

much yeah yeah he was like [ __ ] putin

43:48

this is my guy and everybody went hey

43:50

we're gonna kill your sister like like

43:53

this is

43:55

hey the war comes home real fast let's

43:58

go through some more in that fifth round

43:59

so uh stoke palace your team chelsea

44:02

play luton town i don't know where luton

44:04

town is called uh but it sounds

44:06

interesting i like the id i would think

44:09

that chelsea's gonna mail this game in

44:10

having just played 120 minutes and had

44:12

their whole [ __ ] team go to war uh i

44:15

would imagine that luton town's gonna

44:17

get a nice easy breezy game probably the

44:19

toughest and most interesting matchup is

44:21

southampton west ham two teams that

44:23

probably want to try and win this thing

44:24

and go as far as they can

44:26

i like this game that's on wednesday

44:28

liverpool norwich city liverpool will

44:30

also play the c team against norwich

44:34

no doubt about that the biggest team in

44:35

this is boreham wood against everton

44:38

boreham wood

44:39

of non-league they are the lowest ranked

44:42

team in the system they are in the

44:45

national league north in fact when i

44:46

click on the standings for borehamwood

44:48

in uh google there's no information

44:53

that's how low down they are i can't

44:55

even find them uh they're not even they

44:57

don't even appear so boreham wood uh

44:59

they they are still in the league

45:01

they're still there they are i think the

45:03

number one defense in all of england so

45:06

they don't give up [ __ ] so that is what

45:08

good teams do they fight to the end they

45:11

won't give up anything but they probably

45:13

don't have the quality but as long as

45:15

michael keane plays i worry for everton

45:17

and then of course we have the classic

45:18

not on amphars versus huddlesfield both

45:20

those teams playing well in the

45:22

championship both with some decent

45:24

history huddersfield:

45:27

two-time first division champions also

45:30

the um the home team of uh of um oh [ __ ]

45:34

i can't remember anybody's name jean-luc

45:36

picard the actor i can't remember his

45:38

name and uh you know formerly in the

45:40

premier league uh but

45:42

yeah that's the fa cup not really a lot

45:45

to write home about you'd expect the big

45:46

boys city to go through chelsea to go

45:49

through liverpool to go through the same

45:51

three teams weirdly keep showing up

45:53

along with uh your friends

45:55

in tottenham but will end up probably

45:57

with a chelsea

45:59

liverpool or a city liverpool especially

46:02

as long as these matchups keep getting

46:03

easier and easier

46:05

uh we're getting into the round of 16

46:07

and we are there

46:10

mike anywhere you want to go yeah i want

46:12

to talk about cristiano ronaldo oh yes

46:14

of course

46:15

he

46:16

i'm looking at the non-penalty

46:19

goal scorers in the premier league this

46:20

year okay he's not good

46:23

i'm looking at two through nine because

46:24

i'm struggling with that be ref at the

46:25

moment mo salah 15 diego jota 12 sadio

46:28

monte 11 by the way liverpool scored a

46:30

lot of goals because you got noticed it

46:32

really [ __ ] sunny with 10 emil smith

46:34

rowe at nine and then you've got uh tied

46:36

with row emmanuel dennis jamie vardy

46:39

who's been out since like the war of

46:41

1812 since since the last war right

46:45

and bruno fernandez all at nine and

46:47

bruno gets his a fair amount of penalty

46:49

goals to find then with eight your boy

46:51

jared bowen michael antonio raheem

46:53

sterling and conor gallagher

46:55

who did i not just say

46:58

christian cristiano ronaldo he's on nine

47:00

on seven non-penalty goals oh

47:03

non-penalty yes yep he's not in the top

47:06

15

47:08

no

47:09

no what is that

47:10

six seven eight nine ten

47:12

twelve he's 13. he's tied for 13th in

47:16

non-penalty goals

47:18

what is in the water

47:20

on that side of manchester i just look

47:23

is it catching up with him is it

47:25

uh

47:26

just

47:28

because they have all the attacking

47:29

talent in the world right now he's

47:30

always the man demanding the ball in the

47:32

box i think that he has missed a couple

47:35

i think that he is 37 years old and to

47:40

use the greatest of all sports cliches

47:43

what is it mike

47:44

father time is

47:46

undefeated

47:48

and you know between he and zlatan you

47:51

know we know he's taking care of his

47:53

body yes he's still great but he's not

47:56

great enough to be

47:58

the

47:59

every game striker for manchester united

48:02

uh he has had he has had moments he had

48:04

good goals early in the season

48:06

especially when you know they thought

48:07

they were going to change the world with

48:08

him and he got on some balls and he has

48:10

won them some games especially here and

48:12

there it's not that he's not great but

48:15

when you look when you look at all the

48:18

players born in the premier league and

48:20

you sort by year born there's guys

48:23

before you get to the year cristiano was

48:26

born which is um

48:28

1985

48:30

there's 514 players ahead of him right

48:33

right right right there's only there's

48:35

only 10 players older than him

48:38

and it should be said he

48:40

for what they actually ended up paying

48:42

uh i guess the fee for not the salary

48:45

not much

48:46

seven goals isn't that bad of a return

48:48

especially given the points that he's

48:49

given them i do i do think though

48:52

that his mobility and lack of he he's

48:56

his lack of mobility pace and power

48:59

anymore i feel i still think he's lethal

49:01

like if he was playing the way danny

49:03

ings plays

49:04

that would be fine

49:06

or if he was playing if he was playing

49:08

for city it would be fine

49:10

they'd have to change the way they play

49:12

but

49:13

the fact that liverpool i mean that

49:15

manchester united have so many

49:18

young players who can run and still like

49:21

play up the middle and attack

49:24

he limits their options he limits the

49:26

way they play they can't they can't be

49:28

as flexible they can't play

49:30

rashford alanga and and sancho i mean

49:33

that would be a good grouping

49:35

despite the fact that rashford might be

49:38

a mess because he got hurt and is out of

49:40

form but you know they did move on from

49:42

marshall i think you loved marshall two

49:44

years ago when he scored 20 goals in

49:45

that first that first holy season when

49:47

it was like oh happy days are here again

49:50

and i think that they never really

49:51

intended to cr to to sign ronaldo we

49:54

talked about this early in the year they

49:56

got duped he has a good agent he created

49:59

a [ __ ] market when there wasn't one

50:02

somehow tricked manchester united into

50:04

thinking city was going to sign him

50:06

whether they were or not they should

50:08

have let city sign him it wouldn't have

50:10

made a difference

50:12

because city would have figured out oh

50:13

we can't play the way we like to this

50:15

sucks right and like when has city ever

50:18

signed a 37 year old never never

50:21

it's um

50:22

it's interesting to look at his stats

50:24

because if you go just straight down the

50:26

goals line he's got you know in his last

50:28

few years juventus 20 uh his first year

50:31

he had 21

50:32

31 29 hold on though

50:35

in:

50:38

goals yeah he went 12 for 13 from the

50:41

spot so he had 19 goals which let's be

50:43

very clear from open play is a fantastic

50:45

return and then without looking i'm sure

50:47

that's very close to the top of the

50:48

league you've a one won the set one

50:50

series for the second consecutive year

50:53

but then they started to fall off and it

50:54

wasn't

50:55

his production wasn't the thing that

50:58

fell off but the team around him was

51:00

starting to fall apart and yuve now is

51:02

is a disaster right and so i wonder and

51:05

i don't watch serie a nearly i mean much

51:07

at all nearly enough to to say

51:10

but like

51:11

did we know that this is who he was

51:13

before he signed for

51:15

you

51:16

talk to u of a people

51:18

yes

51:19

yeah that's kind of what i think because

51:21

i remember seeing

51:23

what was the really dramatic champions

51:24

league game with him a few years ago i

51:26

forget i think it was where he got the

51:27

hat trick and they lost anyway they lost

51:29

atletico right yeah yeah here's here's

51:32

here's the difference right are you

51:33

ready

51:35

from:

51:40

6.9 5.7 6 5.2

51:45

then he's down to three and a half shots

51:47

per game he needs to be shooting more

51:50

to score all those goals he's a if he's

51:53

a he's a he's a kobe bryant type he's

51:55

volume he's got to be shooting yeah and

51:58

he's not taking those shots because he's

52:00

not getting the space and united just

52:02

aren't

52:03

united don't possess the ball when have

52:05

you seen a uh a line splitting ball

52:10

come from central midfield like a tony

52:12

cruz might do like a like a luka modric

52:15

might do like a kevin de bruyne might do

52:18

a ball coming from deep going into

52:20

ronaldo when he's on the move it simply

52:22

doesn't happen because it doesn't happen

52:24

at united because they don't have the

52:25

players to do it it's got to go to

52:28

fernandez first fernando's got to survey

52:30

and by then whatever advantage that

52:33

cristiano has had is already lost

52:35

because he's too slow

52:38

i've made that up but it sounded good

52:41

i don't i don't know that he's too slow

52:42

but it's

52:43

it makes he's definitely not as fast as

52:45

he used to be no of course he's too slow

52:48

for 25 year old ronaldo standards right

52:50

of course i mean 25 i mean

52:54

real madrid ronaldo was you know he had

52:56

40 goals when he was 25 by the way he

52:59

had 46

53:00

in his age 26 season we're not going to

53:03

see these numbers ever again no no no

53:05

and

53:06

he broke

53:07

sport

53:08

i don't mean to say that i expect

53:11

him

53:12

i expected him to be the best player in

53:15

the league that's not what i'm saying

53:17

but what i did expect was him

53:20

i didn't expect three liverpool players

53:22

to be the top three in non-penalty goals

53:24

right and goals from effectively from

53:26

open play and yeah

53:28

i just i and frankly i'm surprised kane

53:31

isn't closer to the top i'm surprised

53:33

although you you did spend 10 or 15

53:36

games with the least yeah no i know

53:39

worst coach in the league what i'm

53:40

saying is when you look at the chart and

53:43

you go

53:44

huh

53:45

jared bowen is ahead of cristiano

53:46

ronaldo and

53:48

and uh and harry kane he's one of those

53:52

against but it goes back to it

53:55

both those team jared bowen plays on a

53:57

team with what a really good central

53:59

midfielder who breaks the lines and gets

54:01

him the ball out wide when he's on the

54:03

move what does harry kane not have

54:05

someone in central midfield who breaks

54:07

the lines and gets him out on the move

54:09

he has to literally come get the ball

54:11

turn around hit it to someone and then

54:13

run into the box and have it come back

54:15

to him

54:16

he has to be the nine and a ten i lied

54:19

he probably has a great therapist um

54:21

yeah so

54:22

if if if ronaldo had trent alexander

54:25

arnold [ __ ] pinging wings from three

54:27

quarters inside the half just going boo

54:30

those nuclear bombs he drops

54:33

they're so incredible i [ __ ] hate him

54:35

for it yeah or or or someone like

54:37

conselo just

54:38

weaving things in getting to the byline

54:40

and him just standing there like if you

54:42

don't think ronaldo could do the [ __ ]

54:44

um the the raheem sterling role where he

54:46

stands in the back corner and just puts

54:48

his foot down on the ground a ball hits

54:50

off of it right and he scores 20 goals

54:53

actually that's unfair to raheem he does

54:54

a lot of other stuff anyway we're

54:56

getting near time

54:57

mike send me home yeah that was the

55:00

squeaky bum time podcast with mike

55:02

salerno and laurent cortese we are the

55:04

football wing of the chop sports network

55:06

and we record on tuesdays and fridays

55:08

and we made it to march i can't believe

55:10

it so be sure to subscribe wherever you

55:12

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55:13

episode and if you're listening on apple

55:16

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55:18

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55:20

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Show artwork for Squeaky Bum Time: An English Premier League Podcast

About the Podcast

Squeaky Bum Time: An English Premier League Podcast
We cover news from the Premier League, The FA Cup, Carabao Cup and the UEFA Champions League... as long as there are English clubs playing!
Laurent Courtines and Mike Salerno, two friends who love football and talk nonsense about things that make most people uncomfortable.

And sometimes Premier League football.

We focus on English football, talk about the clubs in the top flight, the relegation battle and how our beloved clubs Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur are doing across all competition domestically and abroad.
Specifically, the Premier League, The FA Cup, Carabao Cup, UEFA Champions League, UEFA Europa League.
During internationals, we'll talk CONCACAF, UEFA, The United States National team, Mexico, Canada and the FIFA World Cup along with the European Championship.

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About your hosts

Laurent Courtines

Profile picture for Laurent Courtines
Laurent Courtines (co-host)- Since 1894, providing amateur, crap football punditry with a severe Manchester City bias. I don't hate your team, I just hate you.
I'm middle aged, I'm American, I never played football (or soccer for that matter) and I may not have actually watched your team play, but I'll talk about it anyway.

Mike Salerno

Profile picture for Mike Salerno
Co host of Squeaky Bum Time: A English Premier League Podcast with Mike Salerno and Laurent Courtines